Erica De Mane

This man is trying to kill his wife with mercury.

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Here’s my September recipe for Curves magazine. It’s a pork tenderloin seasoned with rosemary and fennel, paired with kale and apples tossed with a bit of Parmigiano, olive oil, and lemon. And it’s only 400 calories a serving. Have a nice, slimming early fall.

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Isn’t this cute? Mr. Lunardelli, the Italian winemaker responsible for this dumb, rude, and to most people, repulsive gimmick, has got a thing going with a particular clientele, people who buy his low quality wine in these wacky bottles for a joke. To his credit, he did try a Mona Lisa label, but it didn’t sell. How about Pasolini, Leone, Fellini, Rossellini, Visconti, De Sica, Antonioni?  I’d be proud to own one of those bottles.

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Rimini, Fellini’s home town.

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My cat Buddy with ingredients for Manhattan clam chowder, photo by Lisa Silvestri

Here’s my recipe for the August issue of Curves magazine. It’s for an Italian style Manhattan clam chowder. No cream, no butter. Only olive oil, fresh herbs,  summer corn and tomatoes, and chunks of firm fish, including halibut and Mahi-Mahi. And it’s only 400 calories a serving. Can’t beat that.

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Girl Walking Fishes, Matt Boyle

A beautiful circus. I want to be in that circus.

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Girl with fish running from cats

My cats have very specific tastes when it comes to fish, and they both like and dislike the same things. They love shrimp, scallops, clams, oysters, and mussels, either raw or cooked. They like sea bass raw, but not so much cooked. Catfish is okay, but it’s got to be really fresh. They do not like salmon, raw or cooked or smoked, nor do they like sardines, canned, raw, or freshly cooked. Anchovies in any form-forget about it. They like raw tuna, but not after it’s been cooked, and they don’t like canned. They dislike almost all types of fishy canned cat food. Whenever I serve them that, it gets scratched at and usually covered with fur mice. Later in the day, the cat food covered mice can be found in the toilet or their litter box. Their all time favorite seems to be raw calamari. They howl for it. They know when I’ve brought it into the house. They cry at the refrigerator. When I take it out to prepare it, they jump all over me, clawing at my arm. I give them a few trimmings, but ultimately they need to be locked in the bathroom until I’ve finished my prep. Pasta with calamari and tomato sauce is irresistible to both of them. I always break down and throw them a few tentacles, but they’re insatiable and eventually wind up locked  in the bathroom again, screaming, unrolling the toilet paper, pulling the towels off the racks, and working the bath mat into the litter box, until I let them out and give them another piece. They prefer the rings to the tentacles .

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Here’s   my June column for Diane, the magazine for Curves fitness. It’s a recipe for braised chicken with morels and  celery leaves, and it’s only 400 calories a serving. It even has cream and cognac.

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Here she is, the liberated mermaid, a sardine girl who can now be more than just a disturbing tease.

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Evolution, Ted Sabarese

Haven’t you pretty much had it with photos of people who look like their dogs? Dopey, right? But take a look at this. This lady looks like her fish. Isn’t that special? There’s really no cuteness here, I guess because the fish is dead. I wonder what people would think of those dog photos if the dogs were dead, or if the people who were supposed to look like their dogs were dead? Now that would be a horse of a different color. We’ve come to expect fish to be dead because we eat them. And actually now that I think about it, if this woman’s fish were alive it would be depressing, because then I might think the fish was her pet, or her lover. Pet fish are no fun. I’ve never had a fish as a lover. I wouldn’t know how to approach one. I think she’s going to eat this fish raw. I sure hope she saves the eyeballs just  in case she ever needs a transplant.

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